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[personal profile] battle_flag73
Purpose: To justify John Doe’s actions and to argue the point using close-reading and evidence form the film.

Audience: A general audience, those familiar with the film.

Tone: Straight-forward, thoughtful, intriguing.

Thesis: In the film Se7en, the two main detectives believe John Doe’s actions to be acts of passion brought on by insanity, but they are, from Doe’s perspective, acts told to be done by God that show the world the universal inability to avoid sin.

Pattern of development: Argumentation-persuasion.

Organizational approach: Emphatic approach.

I. What are the consequences of not breaking through the naivety to sin? What are the consequences if you do?
a. The consequences of not breaking leads to a sinful life.
b. The consequences of breaking the barrier could lead to prison or bad standing with the law.
II. Why is it important to break through the naivety?
a. You could end up being oblivious to sin.
b. People won’t want to make you a part of things; you’ll be “outcasted”.
c. Your personal salvation is at stake.
III. John Doe breaks through the barriers to show sin.
a. He commits the murders based on sin.
b. He explains his motives.
c. He completes his game.

Date: 2013-06-09 09:31 pm (UTC)
griffin_cordray: typewriter (Default)
From: [personal profile] griffin_cordray
Some notes for revision:

- in the thesis, change "acts told to be done by God" to "acts dictated by God" or "acts commanded by God" -- this makes it read more smoothly.

- In your outline, your Roman numeral sentences should be your topic sentences; they should be "mini-arguments" that work to support your thesis. Your first two topic sentences, points I and II, currently read as questions. This can be a suitable rhetorical style for the final draft, but in the outline, those topic sentences should stand as declarative statements -- the answers to those questions.

- I'm unclear as to how some of your subpoints function as evidence. Consider I.a. "The consequences of not breaking leads to a sinful life." This is an argument on its own. What in the film supports this statement? THAT should be part of your evidence. (Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "not breaking through naivety." Clarify!)

- Your final point (III) and subpoints (a, b, c) are more like what I'm looking for. You start with a strong argument (John Doe breaks through the barriers to show sin) and you support that with textual evidence. You should seek to clarify what you mean by "breaking through barriers," though, since I feel this is a vital part of your argument.

Good start! Let me know if you have questions.


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