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battle_flag73 ([personal profile] battle_flag73) wrote2013-06-10 01:59 pm

Revised Outline 1!

I. There are consequences if you don’t through the naivety of sinning, and there are consequences if you do.
a. In the film, Somerset and Mills talk about how people sin day in and day out.
b. In the film, John Doe breaks the barrier, and is sought after by the law.
II. It is important to respectfully break through the barrier.
a. It is important to keep within the barriers of the law.
b. You could end up being oblivious to sin.
c. People won’t want to make you a part of things; you’ll be “outcasted”.
d. Your personal salvation is at stake.
III. John Doe breaks through the barriers to show sin.
a. He commits the murders based on sin.
b. He explains his motives.
c. He completes his game.
griffin_cordray: typewriter (Default)

[personal profile] griffin_cordray 2013-06-10 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Much, much better! I think there's a word missing in your first sentence, and you should still clarify what you mean by "naivety of sinning." Naivety is a lack of sophistication or worldliness -- so I'm not sure what you mean by that phrase.